by Dr. Marge Blaine
R. J. writes: "My mother-in-law's cat died several weeks ago, and she's still brooding about the loss. We've offered to get her a new kitten or look into adopting an older cat, but she's not interested. Is there anything else we should do? She's a widow and lives alone."
It's sad when a pet dies. Pets serve as companions to many of us, but especially for the young and the old. They provide a warm, living presence and keep loneliness at bay. A cat or dog can be more than a companion so that the loss of a cherished pet often leaves an emptiness that's hard to fill.
In addition, any death evokes other losses. Perhaps, in the case of your mother-in-law, it's a reminder of her husband's death or that of another relative or close friend. It may also stimulate thoughts of her own mortality.
Dealing with the death of a pet is similar to how one copes with any loss. The mourner needs supportive listeners to share his or her grief. In the case of a pet, this may include hearing stories we've heard before about how it was chosen, what it was like as a puppy or kitten, and what made it special. When a pet dies, we need to acknowledge and accept our sadness. We also need to give ourselves -- and our loved ones -- permission to grieve.
It's hard to bear others' sadness. We want to comfort them -- and ourselves. It sounds as though you care and are concerned about your mother-in-law. Allowing her to mourn, and supporting her as she goes through the process, is the best help you and your family can provide.